Today isn't a usual Monday for me. Somehow I felt moody and everything seems to go wrong. It started with me over sleeping in the morning. Had a long meeting in office and I'm supposed to be happy with some good news but somehow I didn't really felt very happy.

Left office late and headed to gym for a workout. Likewise, it isn't smooth sailing too. For some reason, my mp3 ran out of battery and I felt so disoriented through out the whole session. Ran on the treadmill and only managed to hit a miserable 4km after 30 mins. By then I was totally drained.

Perhaps it's another once in a while that I feel moody. It's so not me at all. I still remember the last time I felt this way. I wrote an entry on my blog as well. Can't really remember how long was that but I'm pretty sure it was at least a couple of months ago. I shall have a early sleep tonight and I'll be fine tomorrow. Smile!!

We came into this world with full of compliments
We grew day by day with constant encouragements
We get scolded for making mistakes but yet were never criticized by those who love us
We got into troubles again and again
We got punished and got caned
As we grow up, the compliments got lesser and lesser
Encouragements came by once in awhile
We subconsciously put on a false front
We are polite to new friends and rude to old ones
We praise all others except the ones we really care for
How irony is that we can criticize our love ones without hesitation
and yet think of never praising when they deserve it
How superficial we are when it comes to creating impressions
only to lose them over time once they came closer to your heart.
It takes only a little effort to praise and encourage but somehow it never happen
There's always tomorrow but they may not be there anymore

The following post is extracted from a blog. I have zero intention to take any credits but merely just wanna share this meaningful entry with everyone of you who is reading this now.

I do hope of course that none of you will ever experience what I went thru that fateful day.

24th September 2009 in fact.

Right after the collapse of the 2nd domino that is.

My mind structure collapsed.
Mind you its not like the collapse of the Twin Towers
My mind is like the trailer of 2012.
Everything I believed in
Everything I held dear
Everything that made me sane
Collapsed.
The very ground
whom I thought to be stable and impenetrable
The very citadels of thought
They very walls of the secret courts of my heart
The towers of my perception
Pulverised
The power of a call by HIV.
I was informed of my choices by my MO. Even he was shaken by the results. He kept telling me there must be a mistake somewhere. He told me the required infomation that must be told. I felt the lines of professionalism around me.

The irony
Undergoing counselling

What the hell?!
I went mentally berserk at that thought itself.
Everyone thought I was turning suicidal.
What is your worst nightmare?

Over the next few days.
I told a select group of people.
From my closest friends
My collegues
My former mentors
My dates (before they ran off that is.. I don’t place any blame on them really)
My next test will double confirm if I am indeed HIV positive
Its not a question of me hoping I don’t have it
Its not a question of me given a 2nd chance in Life.
Its a wake up call.
If I have it.
Guess it’s time to rebuild
For all my plans from the day I hold independent thought
To my current age of 23
is gone.
My Life is shattered beyond belief.
But I’m practical.
Shattered it may be.
I care not.
Time to move.
I shall not stay and whine.
Don’t give me the look nor the accusation of questions such as
“Have you been wearing protection?”
“Have you had casual sex?”
Look deep in your heart.
Its not about how MANY people I slept with.
Its about WHO I slept with.
I am not blaming
I am not pointing
I finally understood why this circle is termed “High Risk”
When was your last ONS?
Did you cruise?
Did you meet up random people?
Care not from where
Chatrooms
Clubs
Saunas
Did you EVEN sleep with your date?
I may look straight to this circle
and I honestly have not slept around nor been having rampant sex
I know several of my friends who do
Who make nymphos look like Virgin Nuns
Its not a question of Why Me?
I gave up asking God Why am I Gay?
So you think I will ask God Why me?

Funny
To know certain things
one must pay a price
My price for enlightenment?
The very collapse of everything I ever knew.
Now.
Its how.
Not how I got it.
Its how to rebuild
My Life needs to be reevaluated.
I haven’t cried yet.
As I write this.
I’m smiling
and holding back supressed tears.

Think guys.
These are my thoughts.
And as I sit here and wait.
As the clock goes tick tock
I know as sure as hell
what some of us are doing.
God blessed everyone of us.
I am certain God blessed me.
And If this is what he has planned next for me.
Thank you for seriously.
I ain’t arguing.

And smile I will still.

*that was written when my first ELISA test was positive.

I have been running a lot. Glad to say my stamina has in return improve drastically as well. From a 2.4km jog, I gradually improve my distance to 3, 4 and then 5km over the past weeks. Tried to maintain a constant timing of around 30 to 35 minutes for my 5km run for approximately 2 weeks before I continue to increase the distance to 6 and then 7km last week.

I just got back from gym earlier. Did a 1 hour plus workout followed by my usual run. I broke my own record by hitting 8km in 52 minutes. *Happy*

It feel really good after the run perhaps due to the endorphins being released. All the stress in a day's work is gone.

Ok, that's it for this entry! Bye... =)

I have been working non-stop ever since I step into office today. Work, work and more work but I'm not going to give unnecessary tension to myself. I shall do my best to finish everything without feeling stressed out.

As usual, it's another Monday for everyone and for today marks the official leaving of my marketing manager. I'm taking over all her stuffs as well as another colleague. Being able to wear different hats concurrently has always been my forte and I guess that's what my boss likes about me.

Had a great dinner with my family last evening. It's been quite awhile since we dine out together and I could tell Mum was happy to receive the necklace & pendant that we got for her. Though it's kinda small as compared to the one Dad gave her previously, I can still tell that she likes it a lot. I offer to wear it for her and at the same time took off the chain that Dad bought for her. LOL!

On a random note, Audi was sweet to do up a super awesome video montage of myself, Mon and friends. Check out the video on my FB profile. It's really well done and looks like a trailer of a movie.

Ok, back to work now. Ciaoz!!

Once again, it's Mother's Day today. I haven had a chance to celebrate it with Mum yet as we decided to go for a nice dinner next Sunday instead.

Like everyone else, my mum is also the greatest mum in the world and the person I love most in my life. I guess in this world, nothing beats the special connection between every single child and his/her mum.

9 months in the womb, endless efforts and love, painstakingly taking care of us as we grow. My mum has never complained no matter how tired she is. Even till now, she will not want us to spend money on her. Mum has been working part-time for the past 21 years. We have been asking her to quit but she would say it's better for her to work and kill time rather than having nothing to do at all. At least she still have some money at the end of every month. She will save up all the money so that the money will come in useful during rainy days.

Every now and then, whenever I took a close look at Mum, I can't help but realize that she has indeed aged. I know that deep within her heart, her only hope is for us to get married, start own our family and have a baby so that she can quit her job and take care of the baby. This is one and only deepest regret which I think I cannot realize for her.

Nevertheless, though my mum may not have the chance to read this, I just want to thank her for giving me her best in this world.

Thank you mum. I love you a lot, more than you can ever imagine...

Just formatted my lappie in office today and here I'm using Windows 7 and Microsoft Office 2010. Not really used to it yet especially the new MS Office. Yeah, I was still on Windows XP and MS Office 2003.

Well, we all gotta to learn to accept new things as they come along. Don't we? I spent hours on all the various settings, re-install the applications which I always used, customizing the theme and look, blah blah blah.

Work has been increasing drastically for me. I'm handling 3 person's job at the moment and well, I guess if you take it positively, that's because I'm the only person capable to take over these roles. Hopefully, we will get a new marketing colleague soon as marketing isn't my biggest forte in the first place though I do have my advanced diploma in Mar Comm.

Ok, I shall end this entry abruptly.
Bye =D